Duel of the Dead/Transcript
Cast (In order of appearance): Joey, Kaiba, Yugi, Téa, Tristan, Bakura, Zombie Boy, Bandit Keith Date: October 12, 2006 Running Time: 5:40 Transcript intro YAMI: No Duel Monsters were harmed in the making of this episode - except for Kuriboh. Joey is dreaming, and being chased by the Blue-Eyes White Dragon JOEY: Help! I'm being chased by the slowest dragon in the universe! Think of all the card games I'll never play! He turns around to see a giant Kaiba behind him JOEY: Oh no, it's Kaibazilla! I knew he'd come for me one day. KAIBA: If you think this is huge, then you should see my ego. Now, sit at your master's feet like the dog that you are. JOEY: But I don't wanna be a furry. KAIBA: Shut up and bend over. JOEY: Yes, master. "Love to Love You Baby" plays with the subtitle imagery speaks for itself Joey wakes up, they're all in a forest JOEY: Nyeh! Man, what a nightmare. That was almost as bad as that dream I had where Kaiba beat me in a card game. YUGI: Actually, Joey, I think that really happened. JOEY: It was a dream! TÉA: Hey, Yugi, Mai Skankentine told me to give you this letter. (she gives Yugi a note covered in pink smudges) YUGI: How the hell am I supposed to read this? It's just a bunch of pink smudges! TRISTAN: Yugi's got a girlfriend! YUGI: That does it. Tristan is so getting a mind crush. Title sequence JOEY: Check it out, I've been working on my dance moves! I call this one the "Joey". YUGI: Joey, that's the worst dance I've ever seen. Keith's goons are spying on them JOEY: You're just jealous. ZOMBIE BOY: Braaains! (subtitle: what a cool dance!) ZYGOR: You said it, Zombie Boy! SID: Oy, isn't that Yugi? The only person on this island who's hair is more ridiculous than ours? ZOMBIE BOY: Braaains. (He looks like a bobblehead doll.) SID: Let's go do more cliche henchman things. ZYGOR: Okay. they go to see Bandit Keith KEITH: Excellent work, my fellow Americans! It sounds like those kids are about to fall right into my trap... in America! SID: Oy, boss, you know we're not actually in America, right? KEITH: I don't understand a word you just said. Try speaking American, it's the only language I understand. in the forest JOEY: I gotta go take a whiz. YUGI: Too much information, Joey. in a cave KEITH: That graveyard arena should be around here somewhere. These sunglasses sure make it difficult to see in the dark, but I refuse to take them off because I'm an American, and Americans always wear sunglasses. Now it's time for my favorite Shakespeare quote. "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him.. In America!" ZOMBIE BOY: Braains? (I dropped out of zombie school for this?) At a waterfall, Joey is washing his hands JOEY: Ain't nothing like gettin' out what ya gotta get out. (Zygor appears behind him) Hello, did you enjoy watching me pee? fade out, then back in at the graveyard arena ZYGOR: Rise and shine, dweeb. JOEY: Hey, where the heck are we? ZOMBIE BOY: Braaains!! (It's time to duel!) JOEY: Oh no, it's a GOTH! outside YUGI: I wonder what's keeping Joey? If he's gone much longer, we'll have to give his screen time to Bakura. BAKURA: Let's ditch the tosser! TÉA: Score, a wallet! Finders keepers! (she opens it to reveal a picture of Serenity) TRISTAN: Hey, that's Joey's fine-ass sister! I'd recognize that "come hither" look anywhere. YUGI: Let's all wander blindly into that cave over there. At the graveyard arena JOEY: What do you people want from me? KEITH: Your star chips, dweeb! I have a score to settle with Pegasus, so Zombie Boy here's gonna beat you in a card game. JOEY: Why didn't ya just take my star chips when I was unconscious? KEITH: Shut the hell up! It's time for Zombie Boy to sing the American national anthem.. IN AMERICA!! ZOMBIE BOY: (singing) Brains Brains Brains Brains Braaaains... (Oh, say can you see...) ZYGOR: He has the voice of a zombie angel. in the cave YUGI: We can't find Joey anywhere. This is so totally the opposite of Super Special Awesome - whatever that is. BAKURA: Look, a couple of coffins! These'll come in handy when we kill Joey for making us look for him. TÉA: (opens one of the coffins and a skeleton falls on her) Oh no, a supermodel! YUGI: Stop trying to make out with Téa! That's my job! TÉA: Yugi touched me. That means we're engaged. Graveyard arena, Michael Jackson's "Thriller" plays as Zombie Boy's Zombies attack Joey Back in the cave YUGI: Hey what happened to Bakura? TÉA: Maybe they finally wrote him out of the show! BAKURA: Help! This supermodel's one of my fangirls!! (runs onscreen with a skeleton on his back) TÉA, TRISTAN AND YUGI: Not a fangirl! (run) BAKURA: Come back here and help me, you wankers! TRISTAN: (crushes its skull) Egh! Who's smexy now, bitch? YUGI: We should be okay, as long as you guys don't trigger any more obvious traps. BAKURA: (triggers an obvious trap) Oh, smeg. YUGI: Is everyone from England a total spaz, Bakura? BAKURA: Pretty much. A giant boulder rolls towards them and the Katamari Damacy theme plays. They all scream and run BAKURA: Gangway! Women and shemales first! (trips) Oh, bollocks! (gets crushed by the boulder) YUGI: It got Bakura! TÉA: Good! TRISTAN: I shall avenge his death! My voice gives me super strength! (stops, turns and punches the boulder, which promptly explodes) Holy bleep, it really does!! YUGI: Oh, it was just a balloon with a speaker inside. I guess I wet my pants for nothing. BAKURA: (lying on the ground traumatized) Somebody... tell my fangirls... I love them... TÉA: Looks like Bakura's scarred for life again. Graveyard arena JOEY: I sure wish Yugi were here. How am I supposed to prove my independance without his help? Yugi and the others arrive YUGI: Don't worry, Joey, we're here to rescue you! Wait a second, have you been playing a card game? We were worried sick about you! JOEY: Hey, I'm trying to regain my self esteem here. YUGI: You hang out with us. You don't have any self esteem. JOEY: Oh yeah. KEITH: Seems you're out of luck, dweeb. Zombie Boy's monsters are about to wipe out your life points. JOEY: Lemme guess: In America, right? KEITH: I wasn't going to say that! ..in America.. YUGI: Joey you can still win! Just remember your love for Serenity and you can do anything! JOEY: You're right, Yug! That was my favorite Joss Whedon movie! This is for cancelling Firefly, ya Goth bastard! ZOMBIE BOY: Braaains... (WTF?) YUGI: Well Joey, it looks like you learned an important lesson. The only way to kill a zombie is to destroy the brain. JOEY: I also learned that I'm secretly a furry. YUGI: Once again, too much information, Joey. JOEY: Let's get out of here before we get eaten by a grue. Outside the cave entrance SID: They'll never be able to get past this cardboard cut-out of a boulder. (he, Zombie Boy and Zygor are pushing a boulder in front of the entrance) KEITH: Another victory for America. inside the entrance JOEY: (he and the others are trying to push the boulder away) It's no use, it's made of solid cardboard! TÉA: I can't believe I'm trapped in a cave with four guys. BAKURA: Fancy a shag, Téa? TÉA: Oops, I mean three guys. End. The Gonk plays CAPTION: i'm bringing smexy back] Stinger: YUGI: (as Chris Griffin, to Yami) Get out of my head, get out of my head!! 1x12